Why I Wore Teal Spandex
This post is hard to write. It's not in a pretty package like many of my other posts. Instead, I wanted to pull back the curtain a bit, so to speak. My life has been crazy lately. I left my job, moved from Lancaster to West Chester, and am currently unemployed and nearly broke as I try to search for a new job that I won't hate.
Every day is really freakin' hard, but I'm doing my best to figure it out. I've been turning to books a lot for guidance. I spent the better part of an hour combing through my new local library looking through the nonfiction section looking for cookbooks, career books, self-help books, decorating books--anything that would give me some sort of direction and insight into what's next in my life.
I took home a few different books, but none of them really did it for me. Finally, I checked out the library's online audiobook resource and came across You Are A Badass, which I've been meaning to read for about two years now. I turned it on and took the dog for a walk...and things just sort of started clicking. I couldn't stop listening.
Jen Sincero, the author of You Are A Badass, talks primarily about the Law of Attraction, the Universe, manifesting, etc. I've been interested in these topics for years, but what Jen was saying made it seem less freaky-deaky and more down-to-earth. I ended up buying a copy of the book because I loved it so much and wanted to highlight the shit out of those insightful paragraphs. Something in me started to unravel, and it felt amazing.
When I was about halfway through the book, I was getting ready to take the dog for a walk in a pair of black leggings yet again. Black leggings are safe and neutral. Hell, I just wrote about how much I love them in my last blog post. But in that moment, I decided I didn't want to be black leggings anymore. I didn't want to be dull or to play it safe.
Instead, I pulled out this pair of teal, like really teal, pair of leggings that I got on clearance at TJ Maxx and decided to go for it. Despite feeling fat and unattractive, I decided that those feelings weren't going to be my truth anymore and shimmied my fat ass into my spandex teal leggings. I topped it off with a white tank top with an elephant on it. Why an elephant? Because since I was in junior high, I've been afraid of wearing clothing with elephants, whales, or the like on it because I was afraid someone would call me an elephant or a whale.
My outfit was big eff you to the world, and even though I kind of thought that you could see my cellulite through the spandex, I wore those bad boys out on my walk and enjoyed every minute of it. I felt strong and invincible.
Later when Bryan saw the outfit, I asked him what he thought of it, and he said my pants were "bold." I liked that. I want to be bold. To be less afraid and not worry what faceless critics are saying about me as I walk by.
This post is my virtual pair of teal spandex leggings. I want to be bold and tell the truth. I want to show the messy parts of a well-lived life. I might not be my best self right now, but I'm in the process of becoming her.
Wear your teal spandex proudly, friends.